Despite what you see on TV and in movies, having sex for the first time is rarely romantic, pleasant, or sexy. Sure, it can be—in theory. But more often than not, it’s an awkward experience.
So we asked Women followers to open up and share how they lost their virginity. Let’s just say that if your first time didn’t live up to your expectations, you’re definitely not the only one.
“My first time was actually sweet. It was with my boyfriend on our one-year anniversary. I was so nervous during dinner that I didn’t eat anything because I knew we were finally going to do it. I knew he’d had sex with his ex-girlfriend, but it was cute that he waited for me [to be ready]. My anxiety got the best of me, and I freaked out and told him to stop after the first thrust. Plus, I was the first one of my friends to have sex, so no one could tell me what to expect. A week later, we did it for real, and I felt cool for finally doing it.”
“I was way too young and not ready at all. I wasn’t even sure if I truly liked the guy, but I did feel pressured. It happened very quickly and hurt. When I got home, I took a bubble bath and then cried myself to sleep. The next month was agony, even though we had been safe. I didn’t think the risk was worth the action, and it was a while before I did it again.”
“It was with my boyfriend at the time. I was 17. He tried to use two condoms because he didn’t know better, but thankfully I saw him and stopped it. I bled all over the bed and thought it was hopelessly romantic that he helped me do the laundry afterward.”
“My first time was with a guy named James. I didn’t even know his last name. I only did it so I could fit in. It was a bad choice on my end. Your virginity is sacred even if all of your friends are doing it. Wait for the right person. It will be worth it. When you give yourself to someone only because you think it’s cool, it will come back to you two-fold. Have fun, but don’t be stupid. You are worth more.”
“It was with the love of my life at 17 in my mom’s front yard in a lawn chair! It was rushed, and he cried afterward because he wanted to wait to give me his virginity on our wedding night. But needless to say, after the first time, it never stopped. And we’re still going strong after 14 years of marriage.”
“My experience is definitely regrettable. I was 20, and I’d made the choice to wait until I’d met the right guy. But over time, it felt like that was never going to happen. I was embarrassed by the fact that I was still a virgin. I started seeing this guy that I worked with. He seemed like a decent guy, and he had been pursuing me for months, but ultimately I wasn’t interested. After one night out, he was driving me home and took a detour to park somewhere. I didn’t think we would end up having sex, but we did, and it only lasted a short minute or so. Worst part was, he didn’t even know it was my first time. We never slept together again after that night. Looking back, I can’t believe I put so much pressure on myself and felt embarrassed by my virginity—20 is still so young. I’m just lucky that I met my wonderful boyfriend less than a year later, and we’re still together today.”
“I lost my virginity with my boyfriend of six months when I was 18. He’d lost his job, and I thought it would soothe his pain. I told him previously I wanted to wait until we married. It was memorable and enjoyable. We were in love, but we [didn’t last].”
“It was my first boyfriend on my 15th birthday. It lasted a whole 10 seconds—I kid you not. He apologized and then cried for 15 minutes. It was terrible, and I’m not even sure if he broke my hymen.”
“I was 19 and met a guy at a frat party. We made out and exchanged numbers at the party and then arranged to go on a double date with him and his friend and me and my friend the next Friday night. It was then that my friend and I realized that this guy wasn’t in the frat anymore—he was 24 and had graduated two years prior but clearly missed college so much. He had a vanity plate with his college football number, and when we ended up back at his apartment after the movie, we found out he lived with his parents—and his bedroom was covered in beer posters and huge inflatable beer bottles. I was desperate to lose my virginity, so he and I ended up doing it in his parents’ bedroom while my friend banged on the door because she was ready to leave and her date was giving us both a ride home. Overall, it was a ridiculous story that still makes me laugh.”
“Like most 16-year-olds, I thought I was madly in love with my high school boyfriend. I lost my virginity to him on my 17th birthday. We were hooking up on my basement couch in the pitch black. And the romantic that he is, he said, ‘Should we just have sex?’ So then we did. It lasted about 40 seconds. I just felt kind of cheap and like, ‘That’s it?!’ We then went to my birthday party, and I was paranoid about being pregnant because we didn’t use a condom. I remember thinking, ‘Why are people so obsessed with sex?’ because most girls—including me—did not enjoy it on their first time.”