You don’t have to be a psychoanalyst to realize that money problems in a relationship are rarely just about money. They often stem from other things such as differences in the partners’ core values, their experiences in growing up, and their deepest insecurities.
So if you’re in a relationship with someone who’s constantly blowing cash, its important to note that resolving the issue will not only require financial changes, but also probing each other’s psyches.
The president and founder of Cloud Financial Inc., Don Cloud, who frequently works with clients facing this problem recently counseled a couple in which the husband, who was self-employed and highly successful, felt his wife, who had stayed home to help facilitate his success, was overspending. Eventually, Cloud helped them get to the bottom of it:
The wife was feeling jealous of her husband’s success and spending money made her feel better about it.
Having realized this, the couple was able to create a new budget and set up a discretionary spending account for the wife, so that they started saving extra monies every month.
If you and your partner are facing similar issues, it very simple; you just need to share your beliefs about money
“You can’t resolve anything if there’s no communication between the couple,” Cloud said. Which is why the first thing to do is to start asking questions.
“Find out exactly what it is that your significant other believes about money. Some people believe it should be used as a resource for happiness, while others believe it should be used some for needs, some for fun, and some put back for a rainy day.”
Next, share your own feelings and beliefs. Whatever you do, Cloud said, don’t be accusatory — as in, “Your spending problem is the reason we’re in this financial state.”
Armed with knowledge of each other’s beliefs and feelings, which are driving your financial behavior, you’ll be in a better position to reach a compromise.